It's Been Real

Like any new employee, Pastor AB was thrilled to start a new job. Seeing as how her previous work experience was comparable to reality television, she was ready to start anew. Not wanting to burst her bubble, B and E went along with her joyous air. When AB commented on how nice and friendly people seemed, they simply smiled and nodded.

The first time AB and B met, B had a large banana on her desk. Little did B know, this ripe, decadent banana would become the topic of a lengthy conversation. Although B could hardly understand the low talker, she realized AB was allergic. From then on, B would associate AB with a giant, whispering banana (with a toothless grin).

AB deemed herself wise and gave the girls much advice. After all, she was the pastor of an online church, hosted an internet talk show, and was Facebook friends with J-Lo, Tyler Perry and Tom Cruise (before he tried to convert her to Scientology). She coached them on the importance of saying hello to ones boss and being aware of ones surroundings. Apparently, the building had an unknown roach and hornet infestation. Wild turkeys grazed the parking lot, and mice flew from ceiling vents into unsuspecting purses. The place was a zoo. 

One day, AB was determined to acquire a yellow racing flag. She scoped out offices and questioned people like a wide eyed tarsier. Finally, AB found someone who "didn't want the dumb thing anyway." She returned to her cube, waving the flag with pride and a crazy gleam in her eye. She hung the flag high and stared at it longingly while the day passed her by.

Unfortunately for B, AB didn't hesitate to ask questions, even while B was on the phone. B spent precious moments of her time (that she can never get back) explaining that Rhode Island is in fact a state and is not apart of Massachusetts. New York City is in New York State, and all of which are in the northeast.

Fortunately for B, Wednesday is her last day. AB will be left to man the new sales team, and its future is in her hands... Best of luck to you, AB. It's been real!

And Then There Were None

Once upon a time, 4 women were miraculously brought together (by an unknown cause) to become professional appointment setters (disguised under the alias: Inside Sales). Because they bonded (as teams often do), dressed appropriately, had all their teeth and college degrees, they became known as "the sorority." Like most sororities, this sisterhood had a housemother. Like most housemothers, T thought of the girls as her baby hens. It was her mission to teach them everything she knew. CJ, WQ, B and E were trained in keyboard toggling, Googling, utilizing company discounts, spreadsheet making and the art of professional phone conversation.

The first 6 weeks were spent in an intense training program. B was shipped out via mini van (complete with chain smokers) to Jackson, TN. E cleaned a warehouse bathroom.

As time passed, things got stranger by the minute. Evil T (T's alter ego) emerged and rared her ugly head. She hid the team from the outside world, keeping them from anyone who might see their true potential and pure awesomeness. She subjected them to excessive clapping, squeals of exaggerated joy, and daily reminders of her ability to name the 5 companies under Liberty Ram and head up trade show conga lines.

Eventually, Evil T's days of leaving 8:01 post its on their desks came to an end. She was stripped of her title, and there was a new sheriff in town. Despite this shift in power, the program continued to snowball. One by one, the girls found new opportunities and left this sorority house.

In B's final days, JT's "What Goes Around Comes Around" became her theme song. She was begged to stay and witnessed the circus that was her new coworker (stories on that to come). On her last day, she will proudly chunk the deuces and look toward the sky. Victory is sweet my friends!

Cat Life

Meoooowww, my name's Pete. If I never saw my reflection, I would know what I look like.You see, my Mom sings me songs about myself. Sometimes, her love for me can only be expressed in song. Some tunes are Madre originals. Some are pop hits with my name and cat like qualities strategically placed.

Like this Katy Perry hit, for example...
"Pete's from a whole nother world. A cat like dimension... He opened my eyes, and now I'm in love with a freckled orange cat! Kiss Pete. Ki-ki-kiss Pete. Infect me with your love and stun me with your cuteness."

You might be thinking my Mom is strange. Although she admits to being off her rocker, I'm her only son, pride and joy. I provide her much happiness... except for when I surprise poop attack her house while she's at work. She doesn't seem to like cleaning it up, and Dad refuses to help. He plugs his nose by squishing his lips against his shnaz holes. This makes Mom laugh, and she soon forgets about the havoc I reeked upon her bed, rug and bathroom floor.

When it comes to felines, Mom knows all. The Secret Language of Cats is her favorite coffee table book, and Animal Planet's Cats 101 consumes multiple Saturdays of her life. However, as long as I'm sitting in her lap while she rubs my head, I don't care what she's doing. I'm just thankful to have been saved from the street because it was a hard knock life for Pete.

Did I mention my Mom speaks Cat? She has a high pitched cat voice she uses when talking to me.

I love my Mom!

Trolls

Unfortunately, B didn't have time to blog after lunch yesterday. You see, in the Land of Trolls... timeout. 

Trolls: People that are controlled by the man, and or men. That "man" being in the form of a major corporation or other large bureaucracy that would be described by former "Two and a Half Men" star Charlie Sheen.
-Urban Dictionary

Resume. In The Land of Trolls, things randomly occur to surprise the Angels. Just when they thought they had escaped the fiery flames of Evil T, their new "master" approached with a curve ball... someone lurking in the white halls of the fiery pit is out to get them.

This evil slor is possibly the same troll that turned them in for wearing leggings with dresses of the appropriate length. Either she is j of their ability to wear spandex, or her strict Amish views cause her to lash out and taddle every time she's feeling frisky. This time, she made a false accusation against the Angels claiming she heard something that was never said.

Unfortunately, this series of events lead to a night of turmoil for the Angels. This, however, will not destroy them. They will continue on until the day they're released from this prison and set free to peruse better opportunities.

This story will have a happy ending. Eventually.

A Day In the Life

Here B sits... surrounded by white walls in a tiny cube with CJ, her cubemate. 8:03am... nothing to do. 8:44am... nothing to do. Delirium sets in. Her mind, body and soul enter a glazed like state. She wonders into E's cube to see how she's going to survive the day.

There E sits. In the very back corner of a large cube filing her nails. Suddenly, she hears B and looks up. 8:53am... nothing to do. Her eyes and face are glazed. The two stare at each other, and without uttering a single word, they communicate. Telepathically, they comment on their chances of survival... slim.

A voice is heard in the distance. A shiver runs down their spines. It's T, the evil dictator they once served. Their keen since of hearing alerts them to the sound of clanging jewelry. T is approaching. Luckily, she's diverted by Bill, the cherry on her whipped cream.

9:31am... B's phone rings. It's M. B stares at the phone, building up strength to last through a 45min conversation. Rambling takes hold of M. She's lost in space. B holds the phone away from her ear, mutes it, does some 360's in her chair, clicks her pen against her head, breaths heavily, and is finally able to hang up after M is diverted by a random passerby.

10:30am... CJ blows a gasket. "Numbers! Sales = numbers! No direction! Inconsistent! Trapped!" 10:45am... nothing to do.

To be continued... stay tuned for the exciting events that occur after lunch!